Summary: Sin and Redemption, 136 McCaul St, 4pm onwards.
Some of you know that I’ve recently been involved in developing some mobile apps. I’m really enjoying it, and am going to branch out and develop iPhone apps on my own. The first app I’m putting together is called Religion 2.0. It’s an improvement on all other religions, because it’s mobile. THAT MAKES IT BETTER.
This app has a wide variety of features:
- will broadcast your religious preference so other users of the app will know how to respond to you. Be prepared for handshakes, hugs and holy wars.
- allows you to define your own religion. You don’t have to follow someone else’s stupid rules that don’t make any sense. Make up your own stupid rules that don’t make any sense!
- heretic detection: use your phone’s camera to detect sins happening in your vicinity. This version allows you to track adulterers, witches, bacon eaters and sheep fuckers. More sins coming soon!
- contains a dedicated web browser that removes all references to evolution, homosexuality and dancing from the Internet.
- available in English and French. The French version also forbids people from wearing funny hats in school.
In order for my app to have the greatest market penetration, I’m going to have different versions of it:
Catholic edition: the standard app, except it won’t be available in the public app store. Instead it’s available in a separate app store that is subsidized by taxpayers.
Jewish edition: we’ve removed the second half of the app. To make up for the loss, this version of the app has the ability to secretly control all of the media in your house.
Atheist edition: the app simply shows a blank screen. A blank screen as dark as your non-existent soul, you fucking heathen.
Come out to Sin and Redemption on Good Friday (April 22) from 4pm on to have a few drinks and celebrate the release of Religion 2.0!
-Steve
p.s. speaking of 2.0, check out version 2.0 of the drunks website at drunks.ca.